How to survive a midlife crisis? Personal experience. Part 2

First option. One second life lived (and with the current male life expectancy and three fourths). We start to turn our eyes around and compare what you have achieved in comparison with former classmates, classmates, etc., etc. Welcome to Odnoklassniki, VKontakte with numerous photos on the background of cars (sometimes aliens), mansions (often - just passed by), happy families with chubby babies, travel (Me and America, Me and France - emphasis on "I").

My workplace sysadmin after visiting the evening meetings of classmates went for a week and howled: "I am a nonentity" (because my salary is 20,000 rubles), and then I got drunk with pills, decided to commit suicide in 32 years. Pumped out and taken back, although the employee now communicate with him only in the presence of witnesses.

Since I possess an extremely useless and even harmful property - to attract human confessions to myself, both drunk and sober, I declare responsibly: there are so many complaints on the subject “A neighbor has a steeper car, a chick, something longer, women and grandmas more like »I have not heard from anyone from men ages 28–37 years old. Moreover, far from the poorest and most precious copies complained. Someone has one store, not a network, someone is the head of a district scale, not a regional one, someone has three daughters, but there is no heir (a very strange reason, in my opinion - nevertheless, the person sincerely that he is not a man).

Very useful psychologists offer:

a) do not compare;
b) compare with yourself the same with what was and what is.

How to implement option A, not being a Buddha and an enlightened yogi, no one explains. But as for option B, if you think about it, then we get the second variant of the midlife crisis. This is my version and the most disgusting, in my personal opinion. Since you can find a favorite job, a peasant too (although, judging by others, it is more difficult), you can reach the level of the Ivanovs (you compare them with yourself), but what to do if ...

Option number two. Starting to compare yourself with the former, with what was and what is, with what you wanted and what you got, you realize that you were threatening Everest, and received, at best, a small mound. And the worst thing is that you will not rise above. And I do not need about negative programming, the benefits of self-hypnosis, and that "all life ahead, hope and wait." Hope dies last, and you have to kill her first.

I am 35 years old, and my physical body, obeying the laws of time and gravity, is not at all younger. Less power, less ideas, less pure physical attractiveness and charm. And at 18, I wanted to change the world for the better, to do something significant. And now I understand and reconcile with some points that it was very painful to put up with, if not worse.

I understand that I will never have my own business. My ceiling is a well-paid manager. I don’t have enough courage to start it and charisma to lead people along, and even an elementary ability to sell my services. And it is not necessary about the fact that everything is gained, I have been trying to work it out for five years and ... A donut hole!

I understand that I can never write like Joan Harris, Agatha Christie, even like Alexander Marinin. Even, as some authors LJ, which read in one breath. What I write is more like instructions, tutorials and analytical reports, and otherwise it does not work.

I understand that I can never do handicrafts - real works of art. Hands are not growing from that place, but in order to even remotely learn, you need to spend the rest of your life.

I understand that I will never become a woman who attracts men's views, hearts and wallets, like Monica Belluchi and our Olesya Sudzilovskaya (oh, her last photos in OK magazine, where she is on vacation, on Crete with a SU husband - a businessman, handsome , caring father) and Amalia Mordvinova, who lives in the country house of her husband, a banker with 5 children from different marriages, stopped filming and didn’t blow, everything is done by her husband.

And the most important thing is that I understand that I can never be like one woman, whose LJ I constantly read. She works with children, physically and mentally ill. Sick and abandoned. There are no complaints about her life in her diary. She writes how she finds contact with these difficult children. How she found contact with the boy, who only did what he looked at the diaper. Just experimenting with the color and position of the diaper, she taught him to express his desires. She came into contact with a deaf-blind and dumb stationary girl, adjusting to her breathing.

I don’t even know what this quality of character is called - whether the breadth of the soul, or strong spirit. The man simply does his job and does not consider it a feat. He is just interested, and he loves his work. And I pass, shyly turning away from the poor, disabled, sick, abandoned old people. I simply do not have enough strength to see something, besides my own heap of contrived problems.

And this is the worst thing in the mid-life crisis: what was “still too early” yesterday suddenly turned into “too late”. And it is late not because others think so, but because you understand it yourself. The forces are not the same; everything is taken away by the simple maintenance of the current life: children, work. And if youth is bold, now:

Peer scientist galileo
Galileo was no more stupid.
He knew that the earth was spinning.
But he had a family.

I just would not dare to realize our plans in my youth. And it remains to be humble, humble, humble. But I found a little antidote. May I not change the world for the better, at least I will clear the tiny little penny around me.

I found five things that I can still do, get, learn. If I do all five, it will be cool. But if I make at least one of this “magnificent five”, it will be just fine.

And the surrounding men are struggling with this option like this: they drink and tell stories and fantasies. How will they ever fly into space, become oligarchs, presidents, invent the elixir of immortality, throw a wife-shrew, and go to the Around the World.

Women, oddly enough, this option is transferred easier. They have the principle of the magic "but." I am not an astronaut, but I have good children. A husband is not an oligarch, but yesterday he read a book to a child. There is no husband, no children - but I look younger and more beautiful than my peers. And so on…

These are the variants of the middle age crisis that I saw around. Maybe you have another option.

Watch the video: Why Nuns Don't Have Mid-life Crises: . Sigler at TEDxVirginiaTech (February 2020).


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