But often we take responsibility for some simple everyday situations that our dear friend is able to solve on his own. If he wanted, if he was not too lazy. But how it turns out: someone wants to get a good job, so he will turn to his friend for help, who will ring up for him and the company, and agree on everything, and conduct an interview. How convenient! And do not strain!
Of course, in life everything happens more veiled. No one will tell you: “You know, I am too lazy to do something for me!” They will say to you: “Well, I can’t! Can you!". Imagine that your good friend asks you about a service, for example, to help him write his dissertation. You write well, in addition, your candidate’s have already been defended, your friend writes so-so and suffers from an inferiority complex on this basis. Well, how can I not help?
I'll tell you more: just try not to help! Immediately, reproaches and moral blackmail will go on: “What kind of friend are you? Don't you want to help me? ” In the end, under the yoke of fair criticism, you reconcile and write a thesis for your friend. You will write badly (you have enough of your affairs, after all) - you will also be guilty. Funny situation, isn't it?
This is the paradox: it seems necessary to help people, but at the same time it is harmful. For those whom we help in the first place. A person must solve all his problems himself. Otherwise he will never grow up. The best help can consist only in specifying the approximate direction of movement. But even here you need to be careful: point the wrong way, you will be guilty in the eyes of your friend. After all, you sent him there, he would have the poor, and it never occurred to him to move in that direction!
Yet in life it is impossible to avoid situations in which you are asked for help. You are a good person, you want to help, but what to say, I myself am so! Here are some tips that will not allow your good intentions to pave the way to hell:
1. Never, under any circumstances, take responsibility for the situation of others! Tell a friend that you can help him with some aspects of his problem, but he should solve the main issues himself.
2. Consider the situation in detail: what could your friend do himself? And what could he not do under any circumstances? Now consider these circumstances: why is your friend unable to do something? He has no time? You don't have one either. He can not? You, too, once did not know how. Take upon yourself the decision of only that question which is really unresolved for your friend at the moment.
3. Explain to a friend why you do not want to solve his problem completely and completely. Tell him that you treat him very well, that you believe in him and that is why we are sure that he is able to cope with the task set before him! After all, each of us needs to develop and move forward. On this way, one cannot do without solving some problems. by myself! Otherwise, the person will remain at the level of the consumer, accustomed to the fact that the surrounding solve all his problems for him.
I understand that this may seem cruel to you. But think about whether you wish your friends and relatives well? And what is this good? In my opinion, the most important thing for every person is to become independent, strong and self-sufficient. Think about what will happen to your helpless friend if you are not around? Will he cope with the situation? So help him learn to solve his problems right now. Believe me, this knowledge in life is very useful!