How to respond to unfair criticism?

The negative emotional charge is most often disposed of by throwing it like a ball to someone else. When the world is not nice to you and not everything is “okay” in personal terms, it becomes easier for you after you yell at someone.

Sometimes you don't like something in a person, but you are afraid or it is painfully difficult for you to tell him about it openly. The farther, the more he annoys you with his behavior, and here, using some pretext, it happens for the most trivial reason that you fall upon him with such criticism that the glass panes rattle.

There are people among us with a weak faith in their own strength, but they are quite aggressive, for them the misfortune of others is always a joy. In a word, feeling bad, they tend to prove to another person that he is even more worthless than they are. The principle is simple. In order not to consider himself the greatest fool in the world, one should find someone who is more stupid, and thereby give him the palm of shameful primacy.

Envy are especially pleased with critics. It makes them feel so good when they get the opportunity to hurt the one they envy. For the above purposes, the critic is always at hand. Meanwhile, there is hardly a person in the world who couldn’t be criticized for anything. At least for the reason that we can all evaluate the same phenomena differently.

As a first aid to victims of unfair criticism, we suggest using the “open door” technique. The name of this technique symbolically reflects the situation when the critic is trying to break open the locked door, but it opens wide before him and he flies inside.

The reception is as follows:

1) Try to figure out what the critic's message is true, and what constitutes his subjective assessment of a particular fact, often related to the sphere of morality. For example: "You haven't been to a hairdresser for almost a year!" As a fact, this remark may be true. Meanwhile, with all his views, the critic makes it clear that, they say, only women who do not care about their appearance do not go to the hairdresser and look like uncombed mascaras. In essence, this is a matter of taste, to go to the hairdresser or not. The “open door” technique implies a reaction only to a true fact. Yes, they say, I did not go to the hairdresser for a relatively long time. But to a certain extent it is a kind of communication game with fire, because the addressee, of course, understands what the critic was going to say: you, you say, look bad and untidy.

2) Agree with all that is true, as well as plausible and, in general, it looks reasonably in the attack of the critic.

3) Answer briefly, that is, merely agreeing with what is being approved by the critic. In our example from the hairdresser’s, the answer is already given above: “Yes, I didn’t go to the hairdresser’s ...”. Not more, but not less. No explanation for the fact that, they say, there was no time, money, and God knows what else.

4) Keep a spirit of mind; seeing that you are confused, the critic will be satisfied and inspired by you to further criticism. He will read the tension and fear in your eyes. But even greater harm can bring irony and sarcasm. Then it will be a question not of the “open door” technique, but of counter criticism.

5) Treat the attacks on you selectively. Whatever absurdities the critic can afford, focus your attention on what the rational kernel contains, and only react to it.

By agreeing with the critic without any fear, we will sooner or later force him to shut up. The fact is that he doesn’t solve anything by his indiscriminate criticism, doesn’t master anything and fixes nothing. He wants only to take possession of us, to manipulate, and ultimately, to humiliate us. At best, he wants us to become addicted to him and dance to his tune. We do not deliver this pleasure to him, and after a while he reconciles himself to the situation.

Watch the video: Dealing with unfair criticism gracefully: 4 strategies (November 2019).


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